IC contact

[boughtabookstore]

 You've reached Chief Inspector Roslyn Small at [number here]. Leave your name, contact details, and intent. I will return your message soon.

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[Voicemail]

[speakveryclearly]

[This is very distinctly not a phone call but a voicemail, a message that has to be opened later, left at around 10:30 PM on December 17th (better known as That Day Eridan Came Back From Resident Evil Event). The voice is unsurprisingly Kanaya's!]

Hey, Roslyn. I just wanted to let you know that I did what you said to do, for almost two whole Earth weeks, and it was almost working. Then while I wasn't looking [a little emotion, which she's actively repressing, bleeds into her voice here] Eridan got turned into a zombie and killed by his other ex-girlfriend.

[Actively steeling herself now.] So I think I'm going back to what I was doing before. That's all. Bye. [Click.]

callback;

[boughtabookstore]

[ Well, that was at once an enlightening and a difficult message, and all in all she doesn't know how she feels. Not good about it all. It's not that she feels responsible for Eridan, except that she does, somewhat. Can't help that.

When you die here you come back. That makes it somewhat better, but not good enough. She waits a long moment, replays the message, and then calls back. ]

The full story, please.

Re: callback;

[speakveryclearly]

[She wasn't sure Roslyn would respond honestly or what she wanted. She's out in an alleyway already; she lurks outside for a while at night before making the climb to the windowsill. Which she hasn't yet.]

Back at the start of December you told me to [it's a harsh word but it's the truth Roslyn deserves the truth Kanaya respects her] stop stalking Eridan; and then I went home, and I did. I did stop completely. That merits mention. We hadn't seen each other at all except once at the masquerade.

Then our friend Sollux went offline for a few days, including the entire weekend, which is extremely uncharacteristic of him. So last night [Sunday night, now it's Monday night] I sent a text message to his girlfriend Feferi, asking what had happened to him, and she told me that she had killed Sollux and also Eridan, because they had become zombies.

So since it was night already I immediately went back to the windowsill after that, until the lights came on this morning. Which was when I knew Eridan had come back. And I texted him to ask if there was anything I could do, and I ended up buying him a pair of boots, because I knew I had to take some kind of action, since what happened to him was my fault. [Hesitation before she continues barreling on.] And if I had been stalking him I could have done something.

And then I went and spent the rest of the day killing zombies and so on until it was night so I could go back to stalking him, since it isn't as if the zombie threat has exactly evaporated. But then I remembered what you said and decided to call you first.

That's all.

[boughtabookstore]

[ Another long moment of consideration, absorbing all that information. ]

You should inform him of this decision.

[speakveryclearly]

[Beat as she ponders that possibility.]

But he would probably move out of that room if I did and we would be back to square one. And also I think I may have finally him believing I don't want to kill him. This is pretty much the worst possible time to provide information like that.

[boughtabookstore]

I understand that you are blaming yourself for his death, but I sincerely doubt you would have been able to stop it.

And it should be taken into consideration that if you don't tell him and he finds out on his own, I doubt he'll take it well.

[speakveryclearly]

I've saved him once before. I could have again.

I just want to do the right thing, and in this case I'm not sure honesty wouldn't obstruct that.

[boughtabookstore]

If honesty would obstruct it, it's very rare that you're doing the right thing. [ very firm. ]

[speakveryclearly]

[Beat.]

Was saving him before the wrong thing?

[boughtabookstore]

No. But it was the result of actions that were dishonest. Sometimes that is necessary, but in this case - I believe if you wish to have any friendship with him, dishonesty is the wrong course.

[speakveryclearly]

I'd take that a lot more seriously if his opinion of me were based in the truth.

[boughtabookstore]

So adding more untruth to it will fix the matter.

[speakveryclearly]

Well, I've spent over two months adding more truth to the matter and it's done nothing to gain me conventional friendship, so I'm pretty much ready to abandon that inexplicably impossible initiative. But I see less reason to stop trying to protect him.

[boughtabookstore]

Given the situation, it's going to take time. Patience is required.

[speakveryclearly]

...

[This strikes a nerve.]

...but it will take more time if I'm honest with him.

Also given the situation he's likely to mistake this for an actual example of malevolent intentions.

[boughtabookstore]

And what is a friendship built on lies?

[speakveryclearly]

Lies of ommission.

Those are in a completely different class from actual falsehoods, right?

[boughtabookstore]

[ a dismissive noise ]

That's a distinction people make when they want to feel better about themselves.

[speakveryclearly]

[It is one of those moments where you can hear the sad rain in the background.]

I don't know how to feel better about my alternate self killing him. I have to compensate somehow.

[boughtabookstore]

Isn't your argument for him trusting you that she isn't you?

[speakveryclearly]

Yeah.

But I still have to deal with it. Isn't fair. That she could get him out of her hair and I have to deal with him when he won't even let me.

[boughtabookstore]

Life isn't fair. You're a teenager, I suppose you still believe it is, but it never will be.

[speakveryclearly]

Oh, I know it's not, Ms. Small, I learned that when my home planet was destroyed by meteors.

[boughtabookstore]

Then perhaps you should take it into closer account in your dealings with life.

[speakveryclearly]

Take into account that I'm a member of a marginalized, ultimately unimportant species, you mean?